Act 1 The End
A pack of cigarettes, two packs of diapers, some milk and $230. That’s how this all ends. Fuck me, my back is freezing against this fridge. My neck is starting to loosen and my heads beginning to droop. I’m gonna end up looking like a Kurt Cobain cosplay in a second. Heck, I haven’t even made it that long at this point. I just noticed a figure run past me. I guess cooper managed to get out from behind the counter. I’m glad he didn’t get hurt, he’s a good kid, and he’s been working hard at this shitty gas station for years now. I hope he doesn’t take this out on Tammy later, she doesn’t deserve that either. I can’t believe they just cut out all the offers from under us, how the fuck is anyone supposed to raise a family when they keep closing everything. None of this would’ve happened if they hadn’t. If they never moved all these jobs up north and cut us out, this all could’ve been avoided.
I can hear the muffled yelling, I don’t think that dumbass Kevin has realized he finally managed to make a shot. 6 years of shooting practice with the sheriff and he still fires like old lady Judith. At least she has the excuse of only one working eye. The heat begins to burn in my throat until I can’t take it anymore. “Fwguck” I say out loud as the blood starts poring from my mouth, finally cooling off a bit. How did it even get to this. It’s only been 9 months since me and Tammy moved here with Ashley, and everything has gone to shit since then. I can see Kevin entering the store with his shotgun up walking through the broken glass in the door he hit me through. Of all the times to actually land a shot of course it’s on me. “Holy shit it’s Connor, get an ambulance” I hear him scream to his partner. I forgot the guys name now. Kevin introduced me to him a few times, and I think I helped him move some gravel last week. Mike I think it was, or Matt maybe, I forget. Jesus it’s getting hard to remember anything now.
I just realized Kevin’s apparently been talking to me this whole time. How long have I been laying here. I can only really see his silhouette, and everything else is starting to get blurry. It looks like he’s talking though, I should probably do him the decency of paying attention. I can’t make out exactly what he’s saying, maybe I should just apologize to him. “Spury kev” is about as good as I could get out. Fuck, who knew you had all this blood to drain. Kev’s holding me up now to face him with his hand on my throat trying to slow the bleeding. A few years of first aid, and he still doesn’t know he’s supposed to put pressure and not just hold his hands there. Man he is a dumbass, but at least he’s actually making it by I guess. Him and Evelyn have been together 8 years now. Lasted much longer even than me and Tammy. Just goes to show you the world aint fair if he can stumble his way to stability. It’s getting more muffled, but I think he’s saying “why”, and then something else I can’t hear. I hope he doesn’t blame himself for this one. I don’t know how I thought I would maybe get away with it. I didn’t really think for long I guess, it was only this afternoon I still had some hope. Should’ve wisened up to this being too easy when I got here. Unbelievable, I actually thought that moving down here would fix our problems, who’s the dumbass now.
Kevin just got pushed out of the way, it looks like Jody and Dave are on shift at the hospital tonight. Man, I hope Dave eventually gets the balls to properly go courting her. They would be nice together, and might actually be able to make it out here. Jody is saying something, and Dave is waggling some stupid flashlight in my eyes so I can’t make out what she’s saying. Both their hands are shaking, I think they’ve cottoned on to the fact that I’m not making it out of this one. It’s been less than a week since they came over for a movie night, day before the layoffs. Shitty part about small towns is you know everyone, and everyone knows you when you end up dying. I tried to give them some reassurance that it’s not their fault, but at this point my throat is more blood than air so nothing really came out. This will probably destroy Tammy, but I think she’ll understand when the cheque comes in. That money should help her get out and find someone who can keep her, and Ashley above water better than I can. Not to mention I didn’t know fuck all about raising a kid. If I was involved in steering that ship there’s no way she would stay floating. Fuck, am I outside now. Losing track of time at this point, I guess they got me out of the store.
Man, what I would’ve given to see Ashley full grown. Tammy had some real prospects before my dumb ass knocked her up, so maybe Ashley will be able to make something of herself. Some people think that their parents are looking down on them from above, but I sure as heck ain’t making it up there if that’s true. At this point though dying’s probably better for them than with me around, and trying to get by. I know at least I gave the two of them a fighting chance at something I couldn’t of given them. Damn, I really wonder what she’s gonna do. With Tammy there she could probably be a nurse, or heck, probably a doctor, or a lawyer, or something. Someone worth a heck of a lot more than if I had anything to do with it. Man, where the heck am I even. Is this the hospital or something? I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to tell.
Looks like this one’s over for me. Two and a half decades ain’t bad I guess. Probably wouldn’t of amounted to much even if I got twice that. Can’t believe the bank was ever dumb enough to give me a mortgage to begin with. If I would’ve seen me walk in I would’ve run the other direction and never given a second thought. Way I see it I’ve been living on borrowed time, and borrowed money for a while now. Fact I made it this long with all the dumb shit I’ve done makes me more lucky than I probably deserve. Guess it’s time for that loan to get cashed in, and let the real adults take over from here. Fuck me, this hurts. I hope they do a cremation so Tammy doesn’t have to look at this stupid fucking hole. I probably look like Swiss cheese at this rate. A pack of cigarettes, two packs of diapers, some milk and $230. That’s how this all ends. Fuck me everything is getting real…
Act 2 The Beginning
Tyler: …Hot? It’s like a sauna in here. Speaking of, where the heck is here. It’s just a white room, with a guy in a black cloak in the corner. Where’s the hospital room? The guy in the cloak just started talking
Death: Hello Tyler, welcome to afterlife. Apologies for the heat, your physical body is being cremated, and you’re feeling the waves from it. It should go away shortly
Tyler: What the heck, are you inside my head?
Death: Yes, I am able to communicate inside your head
Tyler: Great, who needs privacy anyways I guess. So, what happens now?
Death: We wait
Tyler: We wait? For what?
Death: For you to decide what you want
Tyler: What do you mean?
Death: Ah, right. I forgot you had head trauma. We spoke previously, but it seems you forgot. This is a waiting room, and you are to be judged. While you’re here you will be shown your life, and any possible variants of how your life could have gone. From there you will decide between a choice I will give you, and your choice determines your afterlife
Tyler: Woah, woah, wait. So there’s an afterlife then? Like Holi and Heit?
Death: Ah, it will be the same questions. Yes there is something like a Holi and Heit, but more complicated. No, regardless of which you end up at, you will be unable to speak any others of your species
Tyler: Okay, so how long does this judgement take?
Death: Do you have somewhere else to be?
Tyler: Fair enough
Death: While waiting would you care to see what’s become of your family?
Tyler: Yes, why didn’t you lead with that, of course
Death: Very well
Tyler: Woah, it’s so weird, this is my living room. How long has it been?
Death: 4 months
Tyler: Man, I’m glad Kal is here, nice to know someone’s still willing to look after my girls without me here. God, Tammy looks so gorgeous in that dress. Is it the funeral I guess?
Death: No
Tyler: Then why’s she in the dress?
Death: I Believe her and Kal are going out to dinner
Tyler: That’s nice of him, help her take her mind of things I guess. Where’s Ashley?
Death: I believe she is at Rainer’s house
Tyler: Ah, well, there’s some things I really don’t need to see as a dad. So, they managed to get by with the insurance money pretty well then
Death: No
Tyler: What do you mean no?
Death: Insurance refused to pay since you got yourself killed
Tyler: WHAT. Those motherfuckers, I’ve been paying them a decade and they want to run out the one time they gotta pay up. Should’ve shot some people at their offices instead. What, don’t look at me like that, they fucked over my family, of course I’m pissed. So, how long we have until judgement?
Death: 8 months
Tyler: 8 Months, what the fuck? What am I supposed to do for 8 months?
Death: Watch, read, listen, whatever you choose
Tyler: Isn’t there some way to speed this up or something?
Death: I can render you unconscious for that time
Tyler: Actually that sounds pretty good, what do I need to…
Tyler: Did you fucking hit me?
Death: Yes. You’ve been unconscious for 7 months 28 days as you requested
Tyler: I can’t believe you hit me, how is that not against the death rules or something? How long now?
Death: 1 Day, 2 hours
Tyler: So I’ve been gone for a whole year from my family huh?
Death: Three years
Tyler: Three years! How?
Death: Time passes differently here
Tyler: Well, do we have time for me to see them again before judgement?
Death: Yes
Tyler: Ashley, she’s so grown up. She’s gorgeous. Where is this?
Death: University, she’s getting a pre-law degree in philosophy
Tyler: A lawyer, man she got the brains from her mom for sure. I don’t recognize this, did they rebuild the university in the town?
Death: This is in Taraniel, Arzentia
Tyler: Arzentia, man I hate this place, way too stuck-up, why is she here?
Death: She won a scholarship, and was entered into the fastrack program
Tyler: Damn, my little girl really is grown up. So, how’s she doing outside of school.
Death: Well
Tyler: Well, yeah very descriptive.
Death: Then be more specific
Tyler: How’s her social life?
Death: Good, she has many friends
Tyler: Is there a boy she’s seeing?
Death: She is dating Cuoliene Fetriama, another exchange student from Dah’Rem, a week from tomorrow is their 3 month anniversary
Tyler: Cuoliene? So she’s.
Death: Yes
Tyler: Oh, I see. Not that I got anything against those types, but I don’t know about that. I was hoping for grandkids at some point.
Death: You are dead
Tyler: Right, yeah, thanks for reminding me.
Death: You are welcome
Tyler: Ok, what about my wife, how is she doing?
Death: Well
Tyler: Yeah, I walked into that one. Look can you take me to see her.
Death: I can, but you may not wish to
Tyler: What do you mean? Is she safe? Take me to her right now.
Death: Very well
Tyler: Fuck, dammit, why didn’t you tell me she was… busy.
Death: I warned you that you may not wish to see
Tyler: May? I definitely don’t want to see her hooking up with some guy, dammit. Look, can we go somewhere else, maybe outside the house, wouldn’t mind reliving some memories to take my mind off all… this.
Death: Very well
Tyler: Where the fuck is this? I said outside, not some random guys house.
Death: This is outside
Tyler: Wait, that’s Kal’s truck. No, no, no, no, no. Tell me we aren’t at Kal’s place right now.
Death: We are at Kal’s place right now
Tyler: What the fuck, he was a deadbeat dickhead, how is he in a mansion?
Death: He sold a large company last year
Tyler: Wait, that stupid garage bike thing he was doing?
Death: While repairing bikes he came up with a design for a motor that was incredibly efficient. He sold the patent, and it’s used in many devices including cars, bikes, tanks, electronics, toys and more
Tyler: Wait, since when have him and Tammy been, you know.
Death: 5 Months after your death
Tyler: 5 MONTHS!
Death: Yes
Tyler: I can’t believe it, she threw me to the side and just moved on like that. Look, are they done yet, I wanted to hear her voice again.
Death: Yes
Tyler: What the fuck did she just say
Death: She said that Kal is much more adventurous than you were
Tyler: Yeah, no shit, it was rhetorical dickhead
Death: Do not ask questions you don’t want answered
Tyler: Yeah, figuring that out now. I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing right now. She’s trying to say he’s better for her and Ashley than I ever was. That ungrateful bitch, after everything I did, I fucking died for her, I took a bullet for her and Ashley. What the fuck. Take me back to the waiting room.
Death: As you wish
Tyler: I can’t believe it. I die and my daughter runs off to live an “alternative” lifestyle in the shittiest nation on the planet, and my best friend starts fucking my wife. I know they wouldn’t be broken up about it every day, but still. I mean when was the last time they went to visit my grave?
Death: 11 Months ago
Tyler: Oh, so they visit each year then, that makes sense
Death: No, that was the first time they visited since the funeral
Tyler: Are you fucking kidding me
Death: No
Tyler: I can’t believe it. I meant nothing to them, they didn’t give a shit about me the moment I went in the ground. Ungrateful, hateful fucking…
Death: Tyler, if you wish on rare occasions I am allowed to make a proposition
Tyler: Are you coming on to me?
Death: No, different proposition. I can make you an offer. Before judgement you can make the decision to be reincarnated, this decision will have you be brought back before your death, and with the memories of your time here. Giving you a chance to make the decision against going into the gas station. If you choose to do this, keep in mind there is no guarantee that things will go as well for your family as they have gone
Tyler: Are you trying to tell me I’m a bad father and husband. That Kal is a better man than me? Fuck you, I can do better than he ever could, and if I was there Ashley would’ve never moved, because I would have stopped her. She could be living a good life with that boy Rainer right now, in a good city, and Tammy. I don’t know about Tammy, right now I’m so fucking mad that I don’t care about what happens to Tammy. Fuck it, fuck them, send me back, I gotta make this right.
Act 3 Judgement
A stunning white flash disorients Tyler, he looks up and takes his surroundings as a black grain of sand drops into an ornate glass vase he’s holding. The sand is up to the brim of the glass, and as it falls another grain trickles out the side. “It is done, the worth is determined” a voice booming from the darkness. The room is dimly lit in the center, with a large stone statue that released the sand into the vase Tyler is holding. The floor is a nondescript grey texture that looks like a mix of concrete and sandpaper, yet it didn’t hurt to stand on. There are sandstone pillars that reach up into the darkness above, and a set of wooden spiral desks with dozens of faceless heads sitting behind them. As he stands there, death emerges from the shadows. “The Vastandir is full, Ostranytr has spoken. Tyler, for your actions across the thousands of circumstances we have put you through, it has been determined you are unworthy. You are a selfish, hedonistic, weak man, and you have been judged to be unfit to ascend, and are hereby condemned to Gartyem” death stated with a callous apathy in his voice.
“Woah, woah easy there. Hold on, let’s talk about this. I ain’t a bad guy, I gave up my life for my family” Tyler responded, desperately trying to defuse the situation. “No, you didn’t. In fact it’s clear your ‘sacrifice’, was nothing of the sort” death responded, placing his hands behind his back, and walking into the light. His strut was reminiscent of a well-trained bureaucrat, smug, disconnected and self-important. “I took a bullet for them, I gave up everythin…” Tyler was cut off by death mid-sentence “Right, let me give you the memories of the thousands of circumstances we put you through. I’ve heard this speech too many times to have to listen again” death responded smugly and with a click of his fingers the memories of the thousands of “situations” he had been put through came flooding back. Every grain of sand that filled the Vastandir in his hands was the product of a poor decision made, some re-lived from his past, some new, but clearly all were judged negatively.
“You were laid off from your job. A situation you knew was coming for weeks, and what did you do to plan? Nothing, you instead waited until you were fired, refused to tell your wife about any of this, then independently decided dying in a blaze of glory was your only way out. All this while your best friend had a farm which he was actively hiring new staff for, but you were so selfish, reckless, and petty that you refused to do anything but take the easy way out. Choosing to die because your self esteem is so low you thought your family would be better off without you, yet so pathetic that when you get ‘what you wanted’ you castigate, and spite them for moving on. Did I miss anything?” death rattles off the speech with an unblinking stare directly into Tyler’s eyes, looking into and through him simultaneously. Tyler stays silent and wide eyed, taken aback by the response. This is not the same person he spent that time with, this death seemed cruel and hateful by comparison.
“I am not death, I was a person, Mareid. Flawed, and inept. The difference between us was that I meant what I said, and was who I said I was. I have judged thousands, perhaps millions of people so far. I have seen people at their worst, their best, and everything between. I have a deep understanding of what it means to be selfish, I have watched every variant of it. I have a deep understanding of ego, I have seen it constantly. You hold in your hands the better part of 4,000,000 grains of sand, your mistakes outweigh you more than 3 times over, yet you still wish to convince us you’re a good man? I filled less than 1/8 the jar you hold in the same number of trials. By what measure are you worthy of mercy?” Mareid finished. “Look, I’ve made mistakes, okay I get it, but if you give me another chance you’ll see I’m a good guy” Tyler responds sheepishly, trying to invoke some sort of empathy. “This is the third time you’ve said those words” Mareid responded. Tyler, realizing his situation begins to plead “Please, look I’ll do whatever you want. I didn’t know any of this was real, I would’ve done things differently, I can change, please”. “So, you would try to please the court if you knew the consequences? How does this make you moral? How does this make you just? You would only do well by others if you knew it would cost you? Such a coward even now.” Mareid responded curtly, beginning to write on some paper as Tyler planned his next response.
“Look, I get it. You’re saying I could have been nicer, and I agree I could have. But I don’t deserve this, I’m not that bad.” Tyler responded. “You failed to be a better man than you ever where. You failed to resist Ibleayr’s temptations. You failed to do well by your family. The world does not need more of you. But, rejoice, your journey is not over. Your soul will be respun into one that will have the same chances you did. To be worthy of the gift of life you wasted. To be a better person” and ending his words Mareid rose his hands, as did the faceless figures in the shadows. He began to chant, as he did the floor beneath Tyler began to open, and beneath it was an undulating mass of white silk, being spun around the teeth of a massive creature. Tyler ran to the edges of the room, grasping at the wooden desks to try to climb up, but he could not reach the top. The statue that dispensed the sand had disappeared into the wall, and the floor was continuing to open, and reveal more of the creature as it went. In his last moments Tyler thought to himself how unfairly he had been treated, and all the injustice he had been treated with, before he fell into the mass, and was consumed by the threads.
Curators notes
When one sees their life, they are often truly looking at a fantasy they have constructed. We may have convinced ourselves we are righteous, caring, compassionate people, when in reality our actions are purely selfish and self-serving. It is important to approach situations with a clear mind, sometimes it’s necessary to simply write down the facts of what actions have been taken, to better understand another perspective. No one thinks of themselves as the villain of their, or other people’s stories, but sometimes we can become one through a sheer unwillingness to view it from another’s perspective.
- Yahrn Listrea, Perception Series 1